First a reminder: May 20-26 is Safe Boating Awareness Week. A boat can be a lot of fun.
Especially if it floats.

May 21: Waiter & Waitress Appreciation Day. Some of us are old enough
to remember pre-computer days, when the expression “the server is
down” meant the waiter is depressed.

May 22: Buy a Musical Instrument Day. Different musical instruments
have their unique features. For example: The bagpipes — the only
musical instrument with a driver’s side airbag.

May 23: World Turtle Day. With no TEENAGE turtles. No MUTANT turtles.
No NINJA turtles. Just plain, ordinary turtley turtles. (One time I
snoozed on my back when I was wearing a turtleneck sweater. I got
stuck like that. I couldn’t roll over)

May 24: Escargot Day. “Escargot” (PRONOUNCED: ES-CARGO) is what you
call a snail when you eat it. “Blech” (PRONOUNCED: BLEK) is what you
say after you eat it.

May 25: Tap Dance Day. Do you ever wake up feeling like a tap dancer
in the canoe of life?

May 26: Dracula Day. The scary vampire novel was first published on
this date in 1897. I’ve always wondered: How do vampires say words
with the letter “V” without shredding their lips?

May 27: Sunscreen Protection Day. If you want to stay healthy, be
sure to put on sunscreen before going outside for a smoke break.

Finally a reminder, before it’s over: May was National Vinegar Month.
Some people don’t like the taste of vinegar. But in my opinion that’s
just sour grapes. You’ve heard it said — “You can catch more flies
with honey than with vinegar”. Actually, if you’re in the fly
catching business, there are things that are more effective than
honey or vinegar. But they smell darn bad.

More Calendar Quips next week!